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My car

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So that explains why they had to cut me out.


....In other horrible news, my cat, Max started getting sick the night I went into the hospital, and he died this morning. He had just turned two and I didn't get to say goodbye. When Mom started telling me his sudden symptoms over the phone last night it sounded pretty bad, but I'd hoped he could make it to the morning, and the vet. I'm thinking, based on his age and personality, he may have had FIP the way Zsa Zsa did. Have to get Buzz and Chloe tested pronto.

Max had just started to come out of his shell too. He'd started sleeping with me after Beau died, like he'd been waiting for it all along, but didn't want to be rude. He spent all of Sunday night camped out on the couch on my feet and wouldn't leave for hours. He was so happy.

I don't understand why I couldn't have held onto him a little longer. It seems really unfair that I only spent about a year and a half of his life with him, but that little cat was such a comfort, and taught me so much that this is one of those times quality wins out over quantity I guess. I'm really, really going to miss him.


Mom wants to get Buzz a new kitten because Max was Buzz's best friend, and so he'll leave our older cat alone. I'm not sure I'm ready to do that quite yet, but when I do I want one that's totally different from Max or Beau so that I can love it as itself instead of as a replacement for the cats I could never replace. I don't know. I just want to go home.
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the reason i drink

(no subject)

Dear Bitch,

Far be it from me to expect you to be around the day i had surgery, or for me to expect you not to yell at me via text about having to WORK when I texted you that they were wheeling me down. I'm over that, whatever. Far be it from me to think that you might come see me the night AFTER I had surgery like you promised, because you were at a party with your friends, and then shopping for his ass, which you phoned to tell me about in excruciating detail, and far be it from me to think you'll bother showing up tomorrow when I'm supposedly due to come home because you'll obviously have something more important to do then too.

You know, I wish I HAD been killed on Tuesday. Sure, it wouldn't change a thing with what you're doing now, but I wouldn't have to pretend I'm okay with it either.

I'm sick of being a grown up this week. I have two metal plates jammed on either side of my ankle with lots of screws in there too, nurses, therapists and social workers trying to bully me into going to a nursing home when I get out of here, and I'm in a lot of pain, and I just wanted someone to talk to for an hour or so who wasn't online that could distract me who they might actually listen to.

Fuck me for wanting any of that, or even daring to think I might deserve it after the week I've been having. I'm glad to know that I mean just as much to you as I mean to my father.
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Aly talks to crows tree

(no subject)

Lying shitheads. All of them.

I want to go home. All I want to do is go home like they promised I could do today, then tomorrow, and are now saying Sunday. They also tried to send me to a nursing home today, like bullying me into it. You know, if PT's asses had showed up when they promised they would, they would have had TIME for more than one little walk three doors down and back, and I COULD have been getting ready to go home tomorrow but nooo. My life is just too fucking awesome for THAT, I guess.

I left my email alone after surgery to come back to a bunch of student whining about where were their grades and would I take this late, and so on and so forth, this morning, and they didn't listen to my choices on the meal menu that I circled, and instead brought this spicy shit I took one sniff at and was violently ill and didn't care that I was throwing up for hours last night because I wasn't due for anti nausea meds, and everybody was demanding at me over the phone, and the doctor made fun of my hair because i haven't washed it, even though I was in a cast since tuesday that I couldn't get wet, and then a surgery cast that I also couldn't get wet and they wouldn't believe me that my pain pump wasn't working, even though it wasn't, and I just want to get out of here because I know students are going to be mad if I can't get their final grades in soon, and they've already emailed today demanding to know what they were, and I have to be home to do it, and I know they won't hire me back for missing the last two weeks of the semester, and everybody's going to be mad at me, and I don't even know what to do because I have so much SHOPPING to finish and stuff to bake and I can't, and they don't want to let me go HOME but won't help me here, and I am never going to get out of this dump.
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the reason i drink

(no subject)

No, you're clearly not giving me all the medicine you can if there are no changes, and you leave me for hours with a non working pump while telling me it's doing what it's supposed to. If that's the truth, why does it hurt worse than when I was wheeled into your fucking ER?

Additional prize goes out to Mom who I texted today with my surgery time, as she'd told me to do. She responds by sending me this bitchy text about being at work and how she can't help me. You know, I knew she couldn't come to the surgery, which is fine, but being such a bitch for doing what she asked for? I don't know, man.

I am about to find a way to hoist myself out of here and down to the nurse's station where the meds are kept. If they won't make my pain go away, sadistic fucks they are, I'll make it go away myself and I dont care if I OD or end up in jail for it either.

...Oh good. One of the nicer techs came to check something and said HE would ask them. I don't think it'll get anywhere but it's nice to have someone believe and care about me today.

EDIT:

And they got ahold of the doctor who said I'm exaggerating and to leave it because surgery is in three hours and he'll fix it then.
Aly talks to crows tree

Fuuuck.

So. I was in an accident yesterday. My lil car, named Clint cause he was purple, wound up hydroplaning in this puddle of water. I spun out of control, trying to stop it, then into a county snow truck with the plow, hard enough to dent it, and then into a tree. There was a nice lady who came to help me who had seen the whole thing, and then some adorable rescue workers and stuff. They had to break my other window so that they could get into the car and put the cervical collar on my neck, then tug me out and get me on a backboard. I never want to go on one of those again, you guys.

They took me to the nearest hospital, where they xryed my ankle to find out it's not just broken. It's badly broken. To the point I need surgery with plates and screws. They MIGHT be able to do it tomorrow depending on my swelling. I'm on just about ALL THE DRUGS and it's still kin of hell right now.

Mom found out about this via one of our mutual friends who saw an update I'd put on facebook. The cops had told me they'd gotten her on the line and made sure she knew at the time of the accident, but apparently not. According to my aunt, when she called this morning, Mom was freaking out really badly over this, and me. One of my cousins on my dad's side, Jimmy, who was a lot like me as a kid, was killed in a similar accident, so I was damn lucky, even if I won't be walking without help for a while.

School offered to finish up my grading this semester, but I told them I'd take care of that. I found out last night we need a formal written exam for that course, and it's a universal topic that they choose. I asked for a proctor for those days and I know my students are gonna kill me for not knowing, but I didn't get the email. Ether way, I'm not gonna be going back to campus this year I don't think. I'm hoping that by January I can go back and have classes though. Either way, I'm here, and bored, for at least a little while. Entertain me?
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the reason i drink

(no subject)

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I have to get my money back and get the hell out of this place. No more letting them guilt me into staying around because they can't afford the rent payments again.
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Robins are amazing

(no subject)

Thea is here, and she is GORGEOUS. A little creaky, which concerns me, but she's AWESOME. It's been a bad bad week here, with me developing what I'm pretty sure is a tooth abscess, though thankfully, I finally was able to get into an emergency clinic, two hours away, for tomorrow morning. The one in this county only takes two to six a day. ...I don't even...what?

So yeah. Hopefully I'm not gonna die and stuff, and photos later!
Aly talks to crows tree

The Little Prince has been helping. A lot.

So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near--

Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."

It is your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you . . ."

Yes, that is so," said the fox.

But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince.

Yes, that is so," said the fox.

Then it has done you no good at all!"

It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields


Because of the color of sapphires. You can't see it in the pic, but Beau had the most beautiful blue eyes.

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the reason i drink

(no subject)

You know, bitching because I haven't done the thing you said we were going to do together today yet when you've been sitting on your ass watching twelve year old movies and playing with your iPad all day, while your husband throws a tantrum because I didn't say hello to him this morning, and acting like this is a perfectly normal state of affairs is...

Actually, you know what? It's fucking typical.

Thanks so very much for that.
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Aly talks to crows tree

(no subject)

I'm...not as okay I thought I would be. I'm pretty much a wreck.

I'm glad that the vet's office takes walk ins and they didn't argue. They just listened to our story and agreed that it was better to do it before he was in worse pain. I didn't handle it as well as I thought I would. It was extremely easy, and fast and I was such a wreck at the time. I mean...I thought I'd be able to do it without falling apart. Haha, yeah right.

That said, goodbye, you furry little bastard, you were worth every moment. If I hadn't thought that you were suffering, I'd have kept you around longer. I'm sorry if it only looked that way and I jumped the gun, but better now than you getting sicker and lingering on but just existing.

I...feel like I should put up a picture but I don't have any on this computer. Later on then.
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